All-State Jazz Auditions

It's been nearly a week since I've blogged. Oh my gosh, I am so far behind.

Anywho, for the last couple of months, my jazz choir has spent part of every rehearsal learning scales, rehearsing a prepared piece, and most recently, learning our individual solos.We spent day after day learning the right notes and rhythms, starting at lower tempos and increasing until we reached the quarter note equaling 260 beats per minute (which is really fast!). No one at my school had ever auditioned for all state jazz choir before, so it was a brand new experience for everyone.

On Monday, we had rehearsal for three and a half hours. The first hour was spent doing a sort-of cabaret, in which everyone sang their individual solos for the entire group. This was easily the most life-changing part of the entire all state experience for me. One by one, I watched and listened to my peers singing their solos. Each and every one of them sounded amazing--I could never top it. When my name was finally called to sing my solo, my nerves had gotten the best of me. I was shaking as I walked to the stage and felt every pair of eyes, all thirteen of them, on me. My solo track began to play and I began to sing. Immediately I saw one of the most talented members of the group turn to the person next to her (also one of our stars) and whisper something. Oh gosh, I thought, they're talking about how awful I sound. How I shouldn't even have made jazz choir. How I don't have a pretty voice like everyone else.

Finally, my solo was over, and I felt the cold sweat on my face. I walked back to my seat as my fellow jazz members clapped and cheered, and sat down---wait, they were clapping and cheering? for me?--must be a joke, I thought. No, I think they actually enjoyed my solo.

Afterward, the girl who whispered to her friend while I was singing (the star of our group) came right up to me and said, "I never heard you sing until today. We all doubted you because you're so quiet, but you are really talented." I was nearly in shock. The best performer in the jazz choir, and possibly the entire school, just complimented me on my singing. Maybe she's just saying that, but maybe, just maybe, I'm not as bad as I thought.

I didn't make all state jazz. I didn't even get a recall. My audition was at 7:44 AM on Tuesday. I went in to the designated room, sang my scales, my solo, and the prepared piece. I probably failed the sight singing (who doesn't?) but I aced the rhythms. I felt good about my audition, and I still didn't have a chance at all state. But it doesn't matter, because I know that I'm still a good singer. What my fellow jazz members thought and said about my voice meant much more to me than a list with a mere twenty names on it.